I am a Black gay man who has dedicated his career to guiding fellow gay men to navigate the complex world of dating. The truth is, our community is rich with a diverse spectrum of cultures, identities and experiences, yet far too often, I see men avoid worthwhile connections. 

Bisexual men are a vital part of the LGBTQ+ tapestry. Yet, gay men often close themselves off to the possibility of dating them, shutting the door on opportunities for meaningful connections, as well as contributing to a culture of exclusion and biphobia.

In my work on my “Dear Black Gay Men” podcast, I’ve heard numerous concerns from gay men about dating bisexual partners. These worries often stem from deeply ingrained stereotypes that have been pervasive within our culture, within the media, and within ourselves. These unfounded fears ultimately perpetuate stigma that not only affects potential relationships, but also undermines the pillars of our community that champion acceptance.

Many bisexual men feel pressured to remain closeted, fearing judgment from their gay peers, worrying their identities or commitment to their partners will be questioned or stressing that they may no longer be fully embraced by their community. Their identities are reduced to who they are currently dating.  

According to a study by the UK organization Stonewall, 30% of bisexual men say they cannot be open about their sexual orientation with friends, compared to 2% of gay men. This statistic is heartbreaking.

As gay men, it is our responsibility to challenge these stereotypes, be welcoming to all members of our LGBTQ+ community, and confront our own fears so we can be better people and better matches to future partners. We must recognize that biphobia can manifest within our friendships, relationships, and selves, and it’s essential to confront these biases head-on. 

As I reflect on my own experiences and unconscious biases, I realize that the stigma surrounding bisexuality is not only harmful to those who identify as bi but also to us as gay men. I’ve seen how misguided fear and misunderstanding can close off potential pathways to love.

One of the most damaging myths I’ve encountered is the idea that bisexuality is a phase, that bisexual men are either afraid to label themselves as gay or just experimenting, but will ultimately identify as straight. This misconception reinforces a binary way of thinking that limits our understanding of love and the vastness of individual human experiences. 

When we embrace bisexual men and the fluidity of their attractions, we learn to appreciate the beauty and the complexities of attraction itself. Our relationships can flourish when we acknowledge that love is not confined to rigid categories and can look different to every individual.

We also can love and accept our partner wholly and embrace their true selves. 

Another pervasive stereotype is the notion that bisexual people will be inherently unfaithful and are prone to cheating. The idea of a “greedy bisexual” feeds into harmful narratives that suggest that bisexuality equates to promiscuity. 

In my experience, fidelity is a personal choice and is not determined by anyone’s sexual orientation. Throughout my work, I have found that love thrives on trust, regardless of how many genders someone may be attracted to.

What’s more, dating bisexual men has compelled me to reflect on my own insecurities and past relationships. I’ve had to confront fears of being left for a woman, grappling with the notion that a heterosexual relationship might seem less complicated or more socially accepted. This forced me to challenge my own heteronormative thought processes, which I never realized I’d been harboring. 

Engaging with bisexual partners has illuminated how societal norms can shape our perceptions of love and commitment, pushing me to question why I ever considered my worth as contingent upon the gender of an ex’s future partner. By acknowledging these fears and embracing the fluidity of attraction, I’ve developed a more secure sense of self within my relationships.

In my expertise, I have witnessed the vital importance of inclusivity and acceptance in building lasting connections, all through expanding our understanding of the spectrums of gender and attraction. This willingness to embrace diversity in our romantic lives allows us to forge deeper connections that can truly last a lifetime.

I urge my fellow gay men to reflect on their own beliefs and attitudes toward bisexuality. Our bisexual brothers are not just our allies; they are potential partners who can offer us insights that enrich our lives and challenge the binary, heteronormative worldviews we have accepted as the status quo for far too long.

Let’s take this opportunity to celebrate bisexual individuals and recognize their invaluable contributions to our community. By embracing them completely, we not only honor their identities but also create a more inclusive environment where love knows no boundaries.